Baldwin Street Residents Demand Toll for Tourists Crawling on All Fours

NORTH EAST VALLEY — The residents of Baldwin Street, famously the world’s steepest residential road, have petitioned the council to implement a “Dignity Tax” on tourists who fail to reach the summit on two legs.

The proposal comes after a record summer season saw over 4,000 tourists attempt the 34.8% gradient, with an estimated 60% resorting to a “bear-crawl” technique by the halfway mark.

”It’s Unseemly”

“I was trying to have my morning coffee on the porch and all I could see were backsides and heavy breathing,” said resident Harold Grump (84). “I didn’t move to the world’s steepest street for a quiet life, but I draw the line at people weeping into my letterbox.”

The proposed toll structure is as follows:

• Walking (Upright): Free
• Power Walking: $2
• The Bear Crawl: $5
• The ‘Stop and Pretend to Take a Photo’ (Gasping): $10
• Crying at the Halfway Mark: $20

Council Response

The Dunedin City Council is reportedly considering the proposal, though they have expressed concerns about how to collect the toll from people who are too exhausted to open their wallets.

“We might install an EFTPOS machine at the bottom that automatically deducts funds if a sensor detects your knees hitting the asphalt,” suggested a council spokesperson.

Meanwhile, local fitness groups have begun offering “Baldwin Training Camps,” which consist mainly of running up and down the street while carrying a heavy box of cheese rolls.