University Declares Castle Street an Independent Principality

DUNEDIN NORTH — In a shocking move to bypass municipal noise complaints and “killjoy” liquor laws, the University of Otago has filed a formal petition with the United Nations for immediate sovereignty.

The proposed nation-state, tentatively named the Most Serene Principality of Castle, will encompass approximately 400 meters of concrete, several dozen heritage couches, and one very tired dairy.

The New Constitution

“We have our own flag (a yellow ‘S’ on a blue field), our own currency (Speight’s caps), and our own unique legal system based entirely on who owns the loudest speaker,” said a spokesperson for the newly formed Castle Street Provisional Government.

Under the new constitution:

• Article 1: All residents must wear shorts regardless of temperature.
• Article 2: The “Scarfie” is the only permitted unit of measurement for height, weight, and intelligence.
• Article 3: Any student who correctly cleans their bathroom will be immediately deported for “suspicious behaviour.”

International Relations

The Dunedin City Council has responded with characteristic silence, though several councillors were seen measuring the height of the proposed border wall (a series of stacked recycling bins).

“If they want to be their own country, they can pay for their own rubbish collection,” muttered one council official who wished to remain anonymous. “I’d like to see how they handle their own diplomatic relations with the Botanic Garden ducks.”

The Principality has already received one diplomatic mission: a group of albatrosses from Taiaroa Head who are reportedly interested in a trade deal involving abandoned fish and chips.