Analysts from the Dunedin Herald and close personal friends with Gibbons say he has, “big shoes to fill” heading into 2027.
Incumbent Otago University Students’ Association (OUSA) President is reportedly size 13 in most standard shoes, placing him well above the national average of 10 ½. This reflects his term as President, which has been described fittingly as, “somewhere above average.”
Former President Liam White is going strong at a 10 ½ to 11, placing him also within the average-range. Dunedin Herald asked University ‘uncs’ if this is indicative of the quality of his tenure, as President but nobody could remember as far back as 2025.
Gibbons is reportedly sitting at a comfortable 10, giving him a lot of wriggle room for growth in that department. As the current Finance and Strategy officer for the Association, he has been calcualting what helps with shoe-growth.
“I’ve read that a good eight hours of sleep and a significant volume of Summit Ultra every Wednesday is optimal for foot growth.”
He says he has been living what he preaches, growing close and personal with the regulars and U-Bar security who now know him by name and smell.
Gibbons is expected to purchase some new shoes with his Presidents’ pay early next year.
This is satire. The Dunedin Herald publishes parody, commentary and invented stories. It is not affiliated with NZ Herald, NZME, or any government department that has stopped returning our calls.